I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
