then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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