Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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