maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
