Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
