Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
