I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
