The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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