Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
