I wanna passion pit in your ass
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
