I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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