I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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