I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
