FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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