we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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