I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
