the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
