Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
