Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
