Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Let's paint friendship bongs
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
