im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
