Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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