Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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