I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
