You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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