i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Blood and glitter go together right?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
