Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
