Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
