At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
