I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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