You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your cock deserves a montage
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
