Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i dont even know how to be here
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
