So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
