my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
