So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
