My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
