Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
