kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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