You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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