we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
