the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
