we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
