Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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