Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
