I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish I only lived at night.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
