After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize