Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
