She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
