i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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