i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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