I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
