party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
