Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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