You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he puts the penis in happiness.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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