booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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