Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
