I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
