i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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