im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
