Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
