I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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