i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
