I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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