Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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