just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
