he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
