I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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