It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
