i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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