So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
