I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
