Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
