Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
that's an acceptable place to lick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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