He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just cropdusted the office
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he fucked my hip out of place.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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