shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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