i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
