its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
