I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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