Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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