moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
