I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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