In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
