Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you still have your period?
I have demons in me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
