she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
