I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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