My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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