I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
